How Do We Restore Spiritual Health in Another Without Being Judgmental

 

     One of the primary focuses inside a small group setting is to love one another. As a small group leader, I try to foster an environment where people feel open to express themselves. With many years in this role, it seems as though spiritual warfare is at an all-time high. The trials and tribulations of those we’re called to love seem to be escalating. Promoting vertical vision is the solution. But it can also be the biggest challenge in a conversational setting. Galatians 6:1-3 directs our thoughts on how to conduct ourselves in a small group environment. It says, “Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” 

     This last sentence from the apostle Paul is most convicting. It tells me not to think more highly of myself than I ought. It is always a good reminder that I, too, am a sinner saved by grace. It is so easy to believe ourselves to be more righteous than those surrounding us, especially when we see an expression of sin externally. We live in a world that promotes I am (more good than bad) in comparison to others. We want to believe that sin is outside us rather than in us.   Finding fault in others creates the false illusion of our own wholesomeness. Even Adam and Eve point their sin to an external source. They failed to see how they were partakers in sin. They didn’t want to bear the responsibility for their actions.   

     Being judgmental plagues my heart. It is something I can now see more readily and address more quickly rather than overlook the impact it has on my testimony. Left unchecked, my salt becomes tasteless and my light worthless in a fallen world. It is easy for us to play the horizontal comparison game justifying our behavior instead of looking at what God’s Word instructs us to do. The consequence for my judgmental nature is forewarned in the passage recorded in Matthew 7:1-6. In the first two verses, Jesus says that if I judge others, I will draw more attention to my own shortcomings (actions, attitudes, and motivations). I will call the consequence of my judging others onto myself.

     When God placed my husband and I into the position of small group leaders to serve the needs of others, we have found it essential to remind ourselves often that this role will require much of us. James 3:1-2a says, “Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many ways.”  If we do not allow our accountability partners to keep us in check, our blindness will not let us love one another with the best intentions. As I see my heart leaning into judgment, I allow it to warn me to look within. Self-reflection allows me to see how this sin has played out in my own life. It reminds me of my own stories of failing to live up to God’s standard. It offers illustrations of how I’ve stumbled over the same obstacles. This helps me look for Bible passages or stories showing sin’s consequences and God’s unfailing love despite our weakness.

     I’ve been challenged to become a better listener. I’m encouraging our small group members to sharpen our skills at loving one another by allowing another person to speak without fear of interruption or being misunderstood. James 1:19 says, “Know this my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”  We can see how Job’s friends were quick to give advice and found guilty of sin through expressing their opinions as though they were the very voice of God. Likewise, Colossians 4:6 reminds me to use caution when I speak to others. It says, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” 

     On several occasions in our fellowship, we hear the content of another person’s heart through their perspective. It perks our ears to blindspots for which they may have little awareness. How unloving it would be not to share an insight; however, it may not be the right place or the right time to share how one might discern their words without asking more questions and listening more intently. I might develop some initial thoughts about guiding a person, but I wait to allow Scriptures to speak more accurately. Hebrews 4:12 tells me, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”  Scripture will find the root where my opinion may only scratch the surface and never allow the person who needs Holy Spirit guidance to find the very best answer. Likewise, Ecclesiastes 5:2 provides excellent guidance to the one who wishes to give advice. “Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few.”

     Sometimes Christian fellowship is agitated by the enemy. It is good to remind ourselves, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger” (see Proverbs 15:1). Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”   I find myself reminding our small group that it is always much more enjoyable to encourage one another rather than admonishing them. But we have to keep in mind that God has given us many ways to help one another. Sometimes we help one another through encouragement (exhortation), sometimes through instruction (reproof), sometimes through intervention (rebuke), but in all ways, involve the Holy Spirit. When agitation intensifies, we stop the conversation and move to prayerful submission to God’s authority. It is important to not arm ourselves with the wrong weapons when faced with a spiritual battle.  2 Corinthians 10:3-4 says, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.”

     I have much to learn in this area and am taking every opportunity to search Scriptures to better adhere to God’s plan for fellowship with other believers. John 17 is a great example of prayer; Jesus showed his great compassion for us, sinners saved by grace, when He prayed, “But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world.”  In a fallen world, learning to love one another rightly is a command worth applying. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”