Lamenting is a Learned Skill
I have not published
an article in a few weeks. It is not for
lack of trying, but something in my heart indicated it was time to work a
little more on research. I hope the time
spent away from writing helps bring clarity to my message. Today I hope to encourage you to learn the
language of Lament if you have not already done so. Lament is not a topic that I’ve given much
thought. During our time of social
distancing, we talked about this topic a bit, but apparently, I was not ready for
the lesson. While re-reading the book of
Lamentations, more profound thoughts began to materialize. At first, I mindlessly read Lamentations
chapters 1 and 2. I failed to recognize
the depth of misery felt by the Israelites as I found myself thinking, “Look,
you’ve gotten what you deserved.” This
self-righteous attitude formed as I felt confident that God had given the
Israelites ample warning through the prophets, especially Ezekiel and Jeremiah,
yet they refused to listen.
Fortunately, the Holy
Spirit has done a great job of convincing me that I had failed to discover what
it means to live outside of God’s favor.
Once I began to reframe my thinking, I opened the message I was intended
to receive. Let me retrace my steps to
share how this message opened up to me.
I printed the passage, and with a highlighter, I began to examine the
content described in these verses. Highlighting
words like groaning, weeping, crying out, mourning, stomachs churning, and tears
brought me to a greater understanding that grief brought about physical
manifestations. It then became much
harder to ignore the depth of suffering experienced by the Israelites. I continued to mark the phrases like desolate
and abandon, finding no rest, faint-hearted, without strength, and with no one
to comfort. When you add this reality to
the mix, it becomes very weighty or heavy.
In this passage, we learn of suffering that came about as punishment for
rebellion. The people of Israel experienced
distress, rejection, being deceived, despised, and afflicted. When we think of these words, they tie very
closely to Jesus’ experience on the cross.
While the Israelites deserved punishment, Jesus did not. He chose to bear the same pain as the people
he loved. Jesus used Lamentation on the
cross as he cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.” (Psalm 22)
His prayer of Lamentation came right from our Holy Scriptures.
I began to question why
these deep-seat emotions had escaped my notice?
Had I become too numb to experience the pain others were feeling? Is this level of suffering unrelatable? Could
Satan accuse God of putting a hedge around me?
Has my life been more about comfort?
When I insulate myself from experiencing pain or loss, could I fail to
heed a warning like the Israelites? Do I
mask my feelings, replacing them with positive thoughts, only to discover that
it is a lie? As a Christian, Jesus warns
that we can expect to suffer. When
examples of brokenness arise in my presence, do they fail to capture my
attention? What opportunity to learn and
grow have I ignored? Okay, before I convince
you that I’m asking God for opportunities to Lament, might I suggest that I’ve
already been given many, but have failed to use tools at my disposal to deal
with life’s difficult moments.
I noticed an article on
the Internet which began, “On a frigid day in February, I lowered a tiny casket
of my daughter into a newly dug grave.”
The first paragraph concluded, “It was the beginning of a long journey.” The author, a pastor from College Park Church
in Indianapolis, caught my attention as one who could easily teach on this
topic. He wrote a book called “Dark
Clouds, Deep Mercy, Discovering the Grace of Lament.” I’ve spent the past several days amazed by
his skill of teaching how to use the language of Lament. Again my mind brought forth questions. Do I
believe that this is a topic that I can overlook waiting for the rainy day when
I’m deeply touched by trouble? Or should I learn the language of Lament and
gain insight into this topic so that I can learn from it and encourage others
who might need these skills? With a
curious mind to understand the trials of this family, I began to reset my
thinking.
Not all despair is
earned. In the book of Lamentations,
misery comes from consequences, but in the book of Job, it does not. Job was blameless before God, according to the
Scriptures, even though his friends did not share this view as they went on a
witch hunt for the sin that caused his suffering. I was surprised to learn that out of 150 Psalms
recorded in the Bible, at least one-third of them are forms of Lament. Besides the book of Lamentation, which is a
dead give away by its title, there are countless examples throughout the Scriptures
that use this language to process disappointment and grief.
In numerous articles
and throughout his book, Pastor Mark Vroegop teaches how to gain a better understanding
of how Lament can help us re-tune our hearts.
He refers to Lament as a song in a minor key. Through his personal journey, he came to
realize that most people, although with good intentions, have little
understanding of how to respond to others when they are suffering. He found his greatest comfort while reading unfamiliar
passages of God’s Word focus on Lament.
He admits, and I agree that Lament is like a new language that one must
learn in order to use it properly. He
noted that at times when people might benefit the most from its use, it is
rarely used, like in funerals and in worship music. When he decided to bring this message to the
pulpit, it was somewhat discouraged until the church began to notice the hordes
of people that could deeply relate to its expression, saying that it mirrored
what they had been feeling but were unable to articulate.
Before we look at an
outlined process, another author, Matt Erickson, wrote an article entitled, “Lamenting
our Losses: Three Vital Parts of Lament
in the Pandemic.” Now there’s a relatable
topic. First, he says, we must be able
to name our loss (a job, finances, health, faith, trust). Without this step, it is impossible for us to
deal with the loss or let it go. When we
hold on, it can burrow into our hearts creating a bitter root. Anger is an expression of bittnerness that
has not had proper handling. Secondly,
he says, we must learn to grieve. Lamenting
is an acquired skill. Could it be that we
were not designed for sin, but when it was introduced in the garden, God
provided a tool to restore our hearts and again trust in his promises? The emotional expression that Cain exhibited
before killing his brother offered the perfect opportunity for Cain to Lament
rather than giving in to the sin that was crouching at his door. Lastly, Matt concludes that we need to
practice this skill.
I think how much easier
it is to offer God praise and gratitude than Lament, but could this be because
I’ve had more practice in that area?
Recognizing that I need to practice Lament allows me to learn this skill
before I need it. This is a proactive
preparedness. It reminded of a tagline
for an old pain relief commercial that said, “You don’t want to go out and get
it when you got it!” I don’t remember
the product.
Pastor Vroegop, the author
of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, suggests that there are at least four steps to the
process of Lamenting: (1) Turn to prayer, (2) Bring our complaints
to God, (3) Boldly ask for a solution, and (4) Choose to trust
God. I often find myself getting hung
up on the very first step, do you? I
tend to respond to trouble more like I’m on a game show and have the option to ‘phone-a-friend.’ Then my mind isn’t so convinced that I should
complain to God. Weren’t the Israelites
told not to grumble? Pastor Vroegop
explains that bringing our complaints to God should not be done disrespectfully
but with a humble heart. Often we will
find these in the form of questions in the Psalms. We can find many Scriptures that reveal
stories of God’s people bring complaints before the LORD. This was a common practice of expressing
frustration. Think of Jonah, Job, and
Moses. We even fail at the third step,
asking for a solution. Jesus told his
disciples to ask and then told them he had observed their failure to do
so. Jesus' encouragement to ask is
followed with the statement, ‘so your joy may be made full.’ (John 16:24)
Lament is to turn our
pain into trusting God, so between the third and the fourth step, we should
begin to recognize the turning point. By
observing Biblical Laments, we might find common words like ‘but’ or ‘yet,’ which
indicates that the “lamentor” is beginning to trust in God. We can also look for a ‘therefore,’ or a ‘behold.’ Pastor Vroegop indicates that Lamentations
are not a cul-dec-sac of sorrow but rather a pathway to trusting once again in
the goodness of God. This is the place
where we can renew our confidence in the promises He has given.
A
professor at Franciscan School of Theology, Michael Guinan, says, “Faith is not
simply an intellectual assent to some statement about God; it is trusting our
entire selves to God.” He reminds us that the opposite of
faith is not doubt but despair. He says, “Despair is when we
give up on God.” If we do not trust God enough to share our thoughts
and feelings, might that be a pretty good clue that we are not exhibiting faith
in God? Where might we be seeking
instead (people, comforts)? Professor
Guinan concludes, “perhaps, it is not in lamenting, but in failure to Lament
that expresses our lack of faith.” Can we believe that even if we do
it incorrectly while we are yet learning that Jesus would respond in our favor
as he indicated on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not
know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34 NIV)
In an
article called ‘Lamentation Can Be a Good Thing,’ author Larry Culliford
suggests that “Most of us have learned (have been taught) to suppress our
unpleasant feelings, particularly sorrow, and may have to unlearn this.” Our
suppression may actually be expressed in ways that we are failing to recognize. With
the current cultural unrest and the hostile political environment, many of us
might be feeling very vulnerable right now. How we present our
anxious thoughts on social media might weaken our message of faith in God. Could
this be a practical application to apply this new language between ourselves
and God? As we find ourselves surrounded by (1) discouragement, (2)
disillusion, (3) disagreement, (4) disengagement, (5) discord, or (6)
discomfort, can we ask God to equip us with the skills of Lamenting? As
we develop stronger skills, might we be able to teach one another better ways
to handle our anxious thoughts? If I were to continue practicing
self-reliance, or the ‘phone-a-friend’ option, may I only find temporary relief
and not permanent fixes? Even when I attempt
to reframe my thoughts positively, could I be weakening my dependence on God? When
we stuff discouragement beneath the surface unresolved, it's like going out in
the middle of an ocean with a hole in the bottom of our boat. Eventually,
we will find our efforts unable to keep up with the volume of water which
wishes to sink our ship. Learning to Lament is like wearing a life
preserver called Jesus that will allow us to gently bob above the waves.
To practice
Lamenting, I might need first to discover how to name my pain. By reviewing the first two chapters of
Lamentations, I was able to formulate some questions based on their experiences.
QUESTIONS:
1. What experiences
cause me to weep?
(Sometimes we’re good at suppressing our tears even when we need to
cry.)
2. Where have
I felt deceived?
(Have I allowed bitterness to find
root in my heart?)
3. What
makes me feel abandoned?
(What makes me desire comfort?)
4. What
makes my heart grow weary (tired)?
5. What
makes me feel restless (anxious)?
If these questions don’t produce
opportunities for Lament, think about taking the keywords I’ve noted in the
paragraph above and fill in the blanks:
1. I feel
discouraged when ___________(fill in the blank),
2. I’m disillusioned
when ___________happens,
3. I am
disagreeable when faced with _____________,
4. I become
disengaged when ___________,
5. _________________brings
me discomfort.
Whatever we use to fill in the blanks
might be a good indication of what we have not entrusted to the LORD. Out
of sight, out of mind is not a good philosophy. Allowing these
things to become unburied will be like accepting Jesus’ life preserver. It
is better when we recognize that we are not swimming with hopes of not getting
our hair wet when we are actually attempting to keep our head above water while
hiding the fact that we are frantically treading water beneath the surface,
trying not to drown. We have tools at our disposal that will help in
our time of need.
I
recognized in 2 Chronicles 20:12, Jehoshaphat’s prayer in the second half of
the verse, which says, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you,” is
precisely what the process of Lamenting is supposed to do.
Pastor
Vroegop suggests that we search Scriptures for prayers or songs of Lament and
begin to see which ones match the position we feel in our hearts. He
recommends looking at Psalm 10, 13, 22, and 77. While observing
these Psalms, see if you can identify the four suggested steps found in the
fifth paragraph of this article. I’ve applied bold print, so they
should be easy to find. God would love to equip us with this new
language so that we can move from discouragement to trust.
It is
probably not a coincidence that I’ve attempted to publish on this topic on
September 11th, nineteen years after one of the strongest memories I
have of disaster. May you find that Lament returns your heart to
peace that passes all understanding as we find ourselves in troubled times.
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