Lessons Learned - Handling Disappointment

     I watched the Middle School Ministry video that was prepared for my youngest daughter as I sat beside her this morning.  We discussed what the passage found in 1 John 2 meant for her.  I cherished watching my daughter take a greater interest in her Bible theses past two weeks as we’ve been shut inside while many things in our world are difficult to understand right now.  My daughter’s youth minister talked about how we observe what we read in the Bible and how that helps us draw a personal application from the passage.  He indicated that as he was reviewing this passage, his mind wandered.  He found himself skimming over the surface and not finding anything to take away from it.  Then he decided to read it again, pausing, looking at specific words, and trying to get the message inside his heart.  We all can attest to experiences like this when reading the Bible.  As he began to look into the meaning of certain words within the passage, he found himself moving down what he called 'rabbit trails.'  Sometimes as we engage in God’s Word, we find our minds drifting in unexpected directions.  We look for meaning and find ourselves studying history.  We look for relevance, and we find ourselves observing sequences of events.  When this happens, it can feel like we have no control over our thoughts.  Even when we attempt to quiet our hearts and remove all known distractions, our minds still may refuse to be tamed.  The enemy does not want us to absorb God’s Word.  Invisible forces wish to prevent the transformation God desires for us.  Our youth minister persisted in pulling his mind back to the Word of God through prayer.  When he finished the lesson, I could think of no better example that he had given our kids to help them understand what can happens when we decide to engage with God's Word.  

     We do not always understand why we have the experiences we do, especially unwelcome ones.  Yesterday I had an epiphany about an experience that was very painful for me just a few months ago, but I was given great insight this week on the lesson God wished to deliver.  Back in December, I celebrated my 60^th birthday in a manner that created great discomfort in my heart.   I set high expectations on how this milestone birthday would be celebrated but my anticipation was met with disappointment.  My emotions were fragile, and bitter resentment replaced the joy I had expected.  I dug a bottomless hole of self-pity where I chose to reside for days, weeks, maybe longer.  I do not wish to pass judgment on anyone by sharing this story, nor do I want to wallow in regret for not rising above it quickly.  It has taken time to heal and to see what God was doing in me through this experience.   I now know He was preparing my heart for empathy.

     Yesterday was my daughter’s sixteenth birthday.  If you can remember the time when you turned sixteen, that age comes with all sorts of expectations on what reaching this milestone means.  Over these past several months, we have had the opportunity to focus on many things that hold special meaning for our daughter.  We’ve tried to respond by supporting her endeavors. 

Track 

·            Our daughter signed up for the track team, her fourth season.  Although she enjoys this sport immensely, we asked her in advance of this season to consider it her last.  We wish to help her develop some financial management skills and a good work ethic.  Not everyone would agree with our position as we often hear 'let kids be kids, and you're only young once.'  However, to support her track endeavors, we decided to purchased a new pair of spikes.  We gave them to her as an early birthday gift, as the season began.  She had not yet worn them, when track season was suspended, possibly for the entire season, we have yet to discover.

·            She expressed an interest in Pole Vaulting camp.  Applications and checks mailed, we looked forward to the day; then, the camp was canceled. 

·            Her track coach scheduled a weekend camp for girls intended to develop stronger bonds among the athletes.  We agreed to send her with the understanding that this, too, would be part of her birthday gift.  We purchased a cute overnight bag for her to take and gave this to her in advance of her birthday so she could pack her things.  The afternoon she was to leave, we asked her to unpack her bag.  We decided that it didn’t make sense for her to go when school would be shut down for the next month to avoid unnecessary exposure.  We made an unpopular decision in advance of the school, who would, in turn, draw the same conclusion. 

Driving

·            For the past year, our daughter has been working on the requirements to acquire her drivers’ license.  We checked the schedule and decided that the best dates for her to complete her second session of education were just days ahead of her sixteenth birthday.  We signed up for the class.  A few days later, we received a notice from the school that another event required her attendance.  She willingly accepted the revision that would cause her to forego getting her license sooner.  She completed the fifty hours of driving that were necessary to meet her State obligation, and as soon as the class was completed, we would be able to schedule her final driving test.  We had hoped for Spring Break.  She handled this disappointment well. 

National Honors Society

·            We received an official letter from the school board indicating that our daughter had been selected through a committee to be part of the National Honor Society.  She would be inducted through a formal event scheduled at the end of the month.  Although she had a dress that she could comfortably wear, what girls doesn't love a new dress?  We decided to recognize this occasion by purchasing a beautiful formal dress and a new pair of shoes.  We found time in our busy schedule to shop and find the perfect dress for this occasion.  She even considered how she might wear this dress again.  After arriving home, we searched the internet for a pair of shoes in the perfect size and ordered them.  The expected ship date was one week in advance of the event.  On the very day, the shoes were to arrive, after receiving multiple shipping confirmations telling us the shoes were on their way, an email confirmed a permanent cancellation to the order.  She accepted the disappointment.

·            The induction ceremony was also canceled.   Based on this cancellation, she attempted to return to the originally-scheduled Driver’s Ed class.  She concluded that she could possibly receive her driver’s license by Spring Break.  Once again, notification was received; the class, canceled.  She accepted this disappointment with grace.    

The Birthday Celebration

·            Yesterday, our daughter’s 16th birthday, we decided to use a meal delivery service and had planned to order her favorite dish from a local restaurant.  We learned the restaurant had not remained open.  We did, however, discover that we could order ice cream through GrubHub® as a delivery surprise.  We had just enough ingredients to make a batch of homemade brownies that would be a perfect compliment.  The order was placed the day before her birthday; several emails confirmed the order and the time of delivery.  Just minutes before I knew the doorbell would ring, I told my daughter that a package would be sitting on the front steps for her to acquire.  It was to help her celebrate her birthday.  Two minutes later, my phone acknowledged that I had received a message.   I looked expecting to see that the driver was confirming the drop-off.  The order canceled, the business had just closed, there would be no ice cream deliveries today.  I had to return and tell her the bad news. 

Drawn Conclusion

     I do not know whether your family has experienced similar disappointments over these past few weeks.  It is not for lack of effort that plans unravel.  We are learning to recognize the very hand of God in this experience.  We do not necessarily understand the lessons we will learn as we experience disappointment.  We hope that the memories of this will return to us years from now with a different perspective.  God assures us that He is working all things for our good.  Do we choose to believe Him?  I cannot tell you how proud I am of my daughter, who is choosing to keep her chin held high.  She is developing resilience.  The apostle Paul through his many Epistles, uses the analogy of running a race and not becoming disqualified.  
     My own quiet time this morning, focused on the first three chapters of Judges.  This section of Scripture had application for me in how we handle adversity when it arises.  God was watching the people of Israel to see how they might respond to His commands outside the protective eye of their leaders to whom they had grown accustom, first Moses and then Joshua.  Their assignment was to completely drive out their enemy.  They were not to co-mingle nor adapt to the customs of those that occupied the land.  God created a test to challenge them.  Would they desire to continue to worship and serve God?  Or would they chose another path?  Most of the tribes failed to meet the test of endurance.  First the tribe of Judah, then Benjamin, Manasseh, Ephraim, Zebulun, Asher, Naphtali, and finally Dan.  Each left the job undone.  They did not choose to walk in the way of the LORD.   

     We too have our own challenges that God will use to test our decision making skills; like, what will we do with disappointments?  Will we rise above the experience, as my daughter has done, or will we fall into a bottom-less pit of self-pity?  Will we live to please the LORD and accept His Will over our own?    

James 1:2–4 (ESV) - Testing of Your Faith

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.