Justice or Mercy

      Have you ever felt offended by someone’s words?  Have you held them tightly in your heart and stewed over the injustice of their opinion?  How do you handle an offense?  I had to ask myself these questions this morning.  I asked the Lord to direct me to have a clearer understanding of an area where I felt misunderstood.  As you read this article today, please do not fixate on the thought on what is behind it.  I will tell you, forgiveness!  If you are questioning who offended me, then you are asking the wrong question.  What you will find is the solution.  I have to believe the purpose behind this experience has everything to do with the perspective I needed in order to write this piece.    

     Today’s Bible passage found in Matthew 18 talks about (1) comparisons(v. 1-6), temptations (v. 7-9), being lost in sin(v. 10-14), and forgiveness (v.15 -35).  In my ESV Bible, I see the heading, “If your Brother Sins Against You.”  How appropriate is it to find a step-by-step instruction on how to handle an offensive situation in God's Word?  Step one:  “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.”  It goes on to emphasize that this is between you and him alone.  How often do we take an offense to someone other than the person whom we’ve been offended?  In my world, I must confess, that I have nearly a perfect record of taking offenses against me to someone other than the offender.  Why do I(we) do this?  

     Is it human nature to address our emotional response to offense by needing to find someone that agrees with us?  Wanting to feel justified in our feelings is not uncommon.  We want others to empathize with our pain and tell us that we do not deserve this.  We seek sympathy before we seek resolution.  Am I correct?  Telling someone that we've been misunderstood gives us our clue to what we are truly seeking.   We may want to boost our egos with righteousness at the expense of someone else's reputation.  Shouldn't logic tell us that clearing up a misunderstanding is better than seeking sympathy?  When we approach our hurts with outsiders (to the offense), we sin.  We may even justify our conversations with the lie that we are seeking advice on how to handle the situation.  What is our motivation?  Jesus is clear, step one:  talk alone with the offending party.

     Let's delve deeper into the needs of our hearts.  Did I wish to be offended?  Why?  Was the other person intentional or were they trying to hold me accountable?  Where am I resisting their advice?  Am I willing to be misunderstood?  Why or why not?  Would a further explanation of the circumstances be all that is rquired to clean this up?  Is there something more to it than an isolated experience?  What am I holding on to?  Is there a lesson to be learned from this?

     Even when we are willing to take the first step and have a conversation with the person, I believe it is necessary to gain some clarity around how you feel.  Why was this experience so painful?  A question may be the best solution to begin the conversation with another, rather than stating a conversation expressing an opinion.  Even the wording and tone of our question should be considered.  The question, "Why did you do what you did, or why did you say what you said?" may not be a wise choice.  Is it possible that the offending party has no idea that they’ve caused pain?  

     We would probably agree that communication is sorely lacking in the 21^st century, so I believe we are more prone to be offended by misunderstanding than for any other reason.  Unless we hang out with truly cold-hearted people, I do not believe it is on anyone’s heart to offend another person for the sake of it.   Each of us must address the issue of not being willing to take instruction that Scriptures provide.  If I am unwilling to address the offense directly with the party involved, then I must be willing to go to God and confess my lack of desire to do His will.  I may ask God for clarity in my understanding of the situation if I wish to forgive without the responsibility of seeking a resolution, but I cannot hold on to the offense.  I have to be willing to do what God has asked me to do.   

     If we have taken step one and the brother will not listen, we are given step two.   Matthew 18:16 says, “take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”  Step two is accountability, not justification.  If we truly want to experience a resolution, we have to be willing to do the work that is required of us.  So how bad must an offense be to involve two or three witnesses?  Is this just a selfish pursuit or am I selfless to see eye-to-eye with another?  Am I seeking safety, security, a return to wholeness, or a need to be right?  Is there any place in my heart that tells me I just as soon write-off the relationships?  The Holy Spirit offers caution telling us that there may be a better solution.  In Matthew 18:18, Jesus speaks, “Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”  The word ‘bind’ refers to holding on tightly, not releasing; whereas the word ‘loose’ means not holding something in a fixed position, setting it free or releasing it.  If we want to put boundaries around our heavenly experience, I believe we see how to accomplish this by holding on to something that we would be better off releasing.  

     I may look to see if my feelings have been created from a pattern of unresolved conflicts or if this is an isolated incident.  I even think it is worth looking over other relationships to see who I may still hold prisoner for any previous offense.  If we wish to enhance our eternal experience, I believe we should be willing to evaluate all of our relationships.  What was my relationship to my parents, to my husband, to my children, to a significant other, to a brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, old friend or an old acquaintance?  If it is within my power to follow these instructions that I've been given in Matthew 18, where do I hold on to a story where I've been wronged?  If I have failed to do the work when the opportunity was available to me, then I need to take these offenses to God who ultimately holds the power to loosen my grip on the past.  

     Because step three involves ‘the church’ (v. 17), we have to conclude that these instructions are for those who believe in Christ.  The church isn’t an arbitrating body between believers and unbelievers.  Jesus moves his disciples into a parable for understanding.  Peter asks Jesus, how many times he must forgive his brother.  The number Jesus reveals is far greater than Peter’s estimate.  How willing are we to take Jesus number at face value?  If we truly recognized how many words or actions we have taken that offends the Triune God, we would see that we have far exceeded the nearly five hundred times that Jesus suggests to Peter.

     Jesus illustrates with the story of two servants.  One is pardoned who does not extend his mercy to others.  We receive a warning; an unforgiving spirit will be bound.  Jesus says, “my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. (v.35)”  Jesus response should give us wisdom that forgiveness is not with words only.  We need to release the injustice from our heart. The heart is not a good hiding place, as God can see in it and through it.  The heart drives our motivations.

     Resolution requires effort; there is no way around it.  We either have to be willing to go through the steps outlined for us in Matthew 18, or we need to get serious with our own spirit to release our prisoners and set them free.  Heaven will be a far better place for each of us if we learn to loosen our grip on others and handle the sin that resides within us.  

After reading this article, if you have questions in your heart on whether you are the offending party, please re-read step one.  If sometime in the past I have offended you, again, re-read step one.  It's time to resolve any relational bondage of unforgiveness that holds us captive.     

Prayer:  Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for forgiving me more times than I know.  Help me to be willing to delve deep within my own hearts and remove the stories of offense.  Help me to dig deep to discover the root of bitterness that seeps through my pores.  Give me the courage to resolve conflicts that require my attention.  Thank you for your mercy.  Teach me how to extend mercy to others.  In your Son’s Holy Name I pray for myself and those to whom this article resonates.  Amen.