Decision Making for the Married Woman

     

    

     Is it a possibility that married woman are required to make decisions differently than the single woman?  Why would I want to write about a prickly topic that is bound to ruffle a few features?  It starts like this:  “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16 ESV) This verse captures my attention when it comes to reading the Bible with the purpose of understanding and applying its’ wisdom.  My heart has been drawn to a passage in Genesis chapter 16 describing the conversation between Abram and his wife Sarai many years past the time God had revealed that he had big plans for Abram creating a great nation from him.    Abram received this promise when he as 75 years old which means that Sarai was pushing 65 years of age.  God said, “And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.”  (Genesis 12:2 ESV)  At the time of this conversation (chapter 16), I estimate that Sarai is now about 77 years old when she says, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children.  Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.”  (Genesis 16:2 ESV).  Here Sarai may appear humble in spirit when she shares the intimate relationship she has with her husband with another woman for purposes of childbearing.  However, the motivation behind her statement has more to do with the logic of human understanding that tells her that she is past her prime.  In Biblical history we see the advanced ages of men when they bore their first child.  “When Adam had lived 130 years, he fathered a son in his own likeness, after his image, and named him Seth.” (Genesis 5:3 ESV) It tells us that Eve was Seth’s mother from the passage in Genesis 4:25 which says,  “And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said “God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.”  This passage tells us that it is possible for a mature woman to produce children as Adam and Eve were probably approximately the same age.  Reading further through genealogies we see that Seth was 105, his son was 90, and his grandson was 70 years old when they first fathered children.  It was after the Noahic covenant that we begin to see the age of fathering descend into the third decade of life for Noah’s grandsons (Genesis 11).  Sarai probably had heard oral histories about her descendants before the deluge before genealogies were written down.  We know these oral histories survived by their evidence in our Holy Scriptures.  Even so, Sarai had concluded that she was not to be the mother of great nations when she suggested a second wife for Abram.  Where had Sarai received the direction that humanity was to change the sanctimony of marriage?  Who told her that she was not to be part of the promise?  It was her own thinking that led her to give Abram her logical-driven advice.

     History tends to repeat itself as Rachel used the same logic when she offered Bilhah, her servant to Jacob, her husband.  Then she said, “Here is my maid Bilhah; go in to her, that she may bear upon my knees and that I too may have children through her.” (Genesis 30:3 NRSV) It wasn’t old age that motivated Rachel, but barren bitter jealousy toward her much more fertile older sister Leah. 

Even Sarai, followed in the footsteps of prior generations, with convincing arguments seemed to lead Abram to question God’s plan.   I uncovered a tidbit of information that I had not seen before when reviewing the story of Adam and Eve in the garden.  I had not realized the chronological order in telling the story until after many readings.  In Genesis 2:15 we see that God had given these instructions when He placed him in the garden:  work it and keep it.  After this God gave his first command to man when He said, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”  (Genesis 2:16-17 ESV) It wasn’t until after this command that we see God discussing with the Word of creation (Jesus) that it is not good for man to be alone.  We see them put Adam into a deep sleep and create “bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh” referring to Adam’s helpmate.  (Genesis 2:23 ESV) Had you ever considered the reasoning behind the crafty serpent ’s question to woman?  See if you recognize it now.  He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”  (Genesis 3:1 ESV).  In other words, did you hear God directly give that command or did you possibly hear that information second-hand.  Could you be confused and not really understand what God actually said to your husband Adam?  Knowing that Adam was present with her in the garden when she partook of the fruit, have you ever wondered why she didn’t confer with Adam and ask him to tell the serpent what God had said.  The serpent’s intention was not just to undermining God’s authority, but also undercut man’s leadership role with his wife.  We learn that the woman (who had not yet been named Eve) used her best decision-making skills to evaluate her options.  She first noticed that the fruit was good for food, it was a delight to the eyes, and it presented her with the option of wisdom, something she didn’t know she wanted, but once discovered knew she couldn’t live without it.  She wasn’t willing to ask Adam’s his opinion, she moved toward the fruit, consumed the fruit, and corrupted Adam’s innocence along with her own.  If woman had respected the role that God had granted her husband, how might things be different today?  Adam was held accountable for the offending sin, had he not followed the woman’s lead could the outcome for humanity been different?  Acting as “one flesh” would he have been drawn into the offending sin even if he had not consumed the forbidden fruit?  Why didn’t he step in and stop the woman?

     What I noticed about Sarai story is that she had not learned from the consequences of sin on woman found in the garden story.  To woman:  …“Your desires will be contrary to your husbands, but he shall rule over you.”  (Genesis 3:16b ESV)  Neither do we learn from Sarai’s story which reveals that when women lead their husbands, the outcome can not only harm their faith, but it can also lead to unfavorable outcomes.  Maybe if we take a closer look at three women of the Bible:  Eve, Sarai, and Rachel, we can learn how to apply wisdom to our circumstances.  All three stories reveal that these women took the decision making role away from their husbands in crucial decisions affecting their families as well as future generations through (1) their actions (Eve), their suggestions (Sarai), and their demands (Rachel).  Not only does God tell us that our role is to be a helper, but Paul re-emphasizes our role in the New Testament when he says, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  (Ephesians 5:22-23 ESV) These women, we will call them husband-controllng advisers (harsh—yes because we will all claim to have good reason), did not own their sin.  Eve did not stand up for Adam’s fall and say, I helped to convince him to take the fruit; she covered herself (clothed in shame) and hid.  Sarai also did not own her lack of patience drawing her husband along side her into not trusting God to reveal His plan nor time.  Sarai, in self-appointed righteousness told Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you.  I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt.  May the Lord judge between you and me.”  (Genesis 3:5 ESV)  In other words, Sarai told Abram this mess is all your fault.  Sarai had succumbed to the temptation to become the decision-maker for her family rather than allowing Abram to guide her as God intended.  How do you see God’s judgment on Sarai in the Middle East?    Is it possible for women to create ‘no win’ situations for their husbands by asking them to follow ours rather than God’s lead?  Why do you suppose Abram did not ask God to clarify that he was to have his offspring from Sarai (renamed Sarah)s’ womb?  In later chapters we see God’s answer to the unasked question:  “Is anything too hard for the Lord?  At the appointed time I will return to you about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.”  (Genesis 18:14 ESV) Often it is hindsight that gives us the opportunity to clearly see.  How can we use Biblical mentorship to teach us how to obey?  Rather than repeating history and making light of the sin of leading our husbands, let us take advantage of historical hindsight to illuminate God’s truth that He intends for us to help and follow.  This truth also advices us not to follow our husbands down the path of sin (see the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11).  That will be a story for another day!