Teaching Our Kids Right from Wrong in a Secular Environment

 

   My youngest daughter turned fifteen this week, and I was extremely blessed to learn what her amazing friends did to celebrate her birthday.  She received a jar filled with brightly colored notes.  On the exterior was a key:  pink notes – reasons we love you.  Orange notes – quotes that remind us of you, and green notes –shared memories.  I do not know which friends created this beautiful gift, nor will I inquire of the contents.  Yet, I saw the joyful smile spread across my daughter's face as she told me about the incredible gift she received.  Our youngest daughter has chosen her friends well.  We are highly blessed.

    The week before her birthday was very hectic.  Our daughter, trying to minimize symptoms of throat irritation, but finally, her cough could not be controlled.  We followed all the Covid protocols, checking temperatures but not recognizing her symptoms as anything more than a cold.  We kept her home on a Friday, but we allowed her to return to school on Monday due to her desire to fulfill a commitment she had made with the drama club.  A few days later, we wondered whether we had made the right decision.  Calling the doctor, we schedule a Covid screening and a Strep test.  The 24-hour waiting period was difficult because it caused her to miss two more days of school and evening rehearsals.  Learning that both tests were negative, she happily returned to school.  The additional rest she received from her stay-at-home mandate was good, and her symptoms quickly resolved.

     As I preface this story with the content above, this is where I wish to discuss a matter of a familiar Proverb. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it" (see Proverbs 22:6)   

     Our daughter returned to school just in time to participate in the drama club's three performances of their High School play. We pre-purchased tickets hoping to see her handiwork, and we decided to attend the opening night.  The set was beautifully constructed, the costumes were creative, and the students played their roles very well, even adding British accents.  At first, we were perplexed by not understanding the backstory from which this play was derived.  Yet as the performance continued, our misunderstanding shifted to concern.  We had never seen this particular play before, yet we had seen this same content in the prior High School plays.  The content was troubling as these young people remained loyal to the script but played roles deemed unsuitable from our Christian perspective.  Our daughter on the tech side of the performance was involved by association, but not through playing a character on stage.  We would once again need to talk with her about our convictions and concerns.  I wanted to help her see that sometimes participation can be viewed as approval in what was happening on the stage and behind the scenes.

     As the drama team played their parts, it was hard to interact with the crowd that entertained laughter during some rather inappropriate scenes.  My protective parenting heart was aroused by discernment, wondering how far the kids would be expected to go.  In one scene, all the actors on stage staggering with beer bottles in hand, apparently partying hardily at a private school dance (characterizing by kids between ages of 11 and 18).  We saw a similar scene in a high school performance two years ago.  Then we decided to leave at intermission as alcohol, sex, and language were all a factor.  This time, however, we held interest because our child was behind the scenes.  A hidden flask, pulled from inside a jacket, showed up in four scenes in this play.  An all-student slumber party involving students of all genders and a sexual innuendo where a spell was placed on a young man's privates brought about uproarious laughter.  Words like "it sucks" and other provoking language gave rise to the LORD's name taken in vain multiple times.  What a mockery to our faith, all of which seemed highly unnecessary in light of the overall story.  I find it difficult to tell our daughter how disappointed we were when she and her friends did an excellent job playing their parts and constructing the set.  I hate to criticize, but her decision to participate revealed the nature of kids to follow adult leadership regardless of their upbringing.  I realized, if I were ever to allow her to participate in this activity again, I would have to do extensive homework to ensure we wouldn't have a repeat performance.  We have chosen to raise our kids with a Biblical foundation, and it would be not very honest of us if we didn't show concern in these matters.

     How difficult it is to parent in today's society, where the kids are taught that tolerance means allowing others to determine how we respond to things that would displease our Savior.  We have to be very selective on where we place our allegiance.  We have to stand up for what we believe, even when that means we must excuse ourselves from activities we would enjoy, even when others do not share the same convictions.  During these times, my heart is most moved to cherish my kids because I ask them to make sacrifices that they do not yet understand.  It is still my responsibility to be an agent for Christ on their behalf as we've been given this role to steward.

     Revealing this story is not to shed a bad light on my daughter, but quite the opposite.  Yesterday, on her fifteenth birthday, my daughter told me, "I spoke to my friends about what you said.  We all talked about our parents' guidance regarding their understanding of some of the scenes in this play.  Not all parents agreed that these parts were all that significant, but some did and provided input so that their child would know what to do." I cannot tell you how proud I was to hear that the kids decided to talk about this independently.  I had hoped to organize a little discussion among the moms as this issue greatly troubled me.  Yet, it has become evident that these types of conversations are already taking place in the home.  The question remains, is there anything we can do to bring change into a public school activity so that our kids can pursue their interests without this dilemma?  In a secular humanistic society where everyone does what is right in their own eyes, do we still have the ability to ask others to reconsider the necessity of following a script?