Avoiding Conflict

 

     Have you ever been misunderstood?  A rhetorical question that I'm guessing has received a 100 percent positive response.  Positive in the sense that yes, it has occurred but not optimistic because it was a wonderful thing to experience.  My family has been engaging in family nights, watching old British television series, mainly in the genre of detective shows.  I would not classify us as heavy media consumers as we've found ourselves removing most cable connections from our home for lack of value.  With our family viewing, we are cautious about the content yet do not want to be so prim that we are producing teens that are naïve to the real world in which they will enter upon leaving our protective roof.

     One of the types of shows we love most is detective series where the plot is about solving a crime committed in the beginning scenes.  In order to solve the crime, these shows focus on three things:  (1) means, (2) motive, and (3) opportunity.  According to framework.org.uk, "Motive is the reason for committing the crime, means are the tools or method used to commit the crime, and opportunity is the occasion that presents itself to allow the crime to take place.  For someone to become a suspect in a criminal investigation, all three must be established." In the past several months, we've probably consumed on average five shows a week.   I let you in on a bit of a secret.  Yes, we are addicted, addicted to spending quality time in a mutually enjoyable family activity. 

     As the detectives begin to gather information and conduct interviews, the motivation often is established long before the opportunity to commit the crime becomes clear.  Most often, the prime suspects have iron-clad alibis.  Some series include just enough details so that we can play along and decode 'who dun it.' In contrast, other series leave too much to the imagination, and a conclusion cannot be easily drawn until the final revelation.  I know from consuming more shows than I care to admit for fear of being thought of as a time-waster, I  would not be a great detective writer.

    Today as I read a passage in Joshua, I came face to face with a false assumption that led to an accusation that could have easily resulted in the total annihilation of a third of the Israelites.  Imagine a scene in West Side Story.  The west side elders in their tunics, snapping their fingers in unison, while they walked in step with one another to the west bank singing, "There's going to be a rumble tonight." The east siders made up of the Reubenites, Gadites, and the half-tribe of Manasseh, caught unaware of the scene unfolding on the other side of the tracks hide behind their tents.  The west siders outnumbering the east siders had just secured their inheritance in the Promise Land.  The east siders, weary and wanting, return home to their families after years of fighting on behalf of their west-side brothers, as they had promised Moses.  How blindsided must they have felt at these accusers called them out as idol-worshipping good-for-nothings?  The east siders must have felt like they were in a fishbowl under the suspicious eye of their scrutinizing west-side neighbors, brothers no less.   How quickly this scene could become ugly.        

     When the east side brothers crossed back into the land that God had granted, they probably never suspected that their motivations would be questioned.  They decided to build an altar of remembrance, just like the pile of stones they had laid years before on the west bank under Joshua's leadership.  That pile of rocks was to help them recall stories for the next generation.  In the Biblical account of the 'west side' rocks, we see, "When your children ask to about these rocks, you will tell them." 

     The east siders were afraid that their children, separated by the Jordan River, may in time feel like they were no longer children of promise.  They may feel like outsiders.  Their fathers wished to instill in them that although their land lay outside of the land flowing with milk and honey, they were still a part of God's bigger picture.   Unfortunately, their heart's motivation was misread or misunderstood.  Their west side brother began to throw accusations in their direction, accusing them of falling away from the LORD.  The west siders feared that they would be punished for the actions of their assumed-to-be idol worshipping brothers.  There couldn't have been anything further from the truth.  The east siders decided to humbly respond to the accusations of their brethren.  They hoped they would be allowed to explain themselves.

     When falsely accused, when others misread the motivations of our hearts, a separation occurs.  It is hard to carry on civil conversations with one another when someone reads more into our intentions.  Imagine how you might feel if someone accused you of being just the opposite of how you wish to see yourself.

     While reading this account in the 22^nd chapter of Joshua, the Holy Spirit guided my eyes into a relevant New Testament passage found in the 10^th chapter of 1 Corinthians.  In this passage, the apostle Paul appears to feel misunderstood by the church members in Corinth.  He has been serving the people with great diligence.  He wants these believers to be devoted to the gospel.  He indicates that he has not taken advantage of them in any way by charging them for his services, although he is entitled.  He quotes a passage from the Old Testament about an ox that shouldn't be muzzled while it is working. 

     Then Paul moves away from his argument and encourages the church to look at their faith journey in metaphorical terms.  He compares their journey to a race in which someone aims not merely to finish but to win.  He points back to himself, saying that he doesn't wish to arrive at the finish line only to discover that he has been disqualified.  Then two verses in the middle of the chapter point back to the critical issue of Paul's message for our reflection.  In 1 Corinthians 10:11–12 (ESV), we read,  "Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come. Therefore, let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall."

     In our much-loved detective series, we see the investigators asking questions before they draw their conclusions.  On occasion, they hold a suspect based on suspicion, but they continue to investigate until it becomes crystal clear who is the guilty party.  Often, clues can lead us to false conclusions.  We must investigate further to arrive at the correct answers.   

    Fortunately, at the end of the east-west drama recorded in Joshua, the east siders were allowed to explain themselves, and peace returned to those divided by the banks of the Jordan.  How often do we allow explanation to mend the wounds caused by false assumptions leading to disagreements?  A better approach than false-reading of another's heart motivation is to ask non-accusatory questions to learn what's really behind the scene.