Instructions for Old Women

Scripture
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 
Titus 2:3–5

Introduction
     As I wade through the Old Testament prophets, I've been learning about the consequences of repetitive cycles of disobedience. It felt like a drink of refreshing water, to review the apostle Paul's instructions to both Timothy and Titus in my New Testament reading. Paul was giving instructions to young pastors on how to appoint good leaders within their churches. In this article, entitled "Instructions to Old Women," I would like to focus on only one demographic that I can relate to, women.  Paul focuses on four people groups: old men, old women, young men, and bondservants.

     I initially thought that it would be hard to gain consensus among women finding agreement on what work we've been assigned to do; however I was reminded of two passages found within the book of 2 Timothy.

• "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16). 
• "For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths “ (2 Timothy 4:3-4). 

     Almost like a miracle, I received a gift of wisdom from an older women who shared, "When witnessing, don't compromise your beliefs. Stand firm on God's Word." She had no idea of the significance of her timing when sharing the truth she had acquired from the book of Jude in her daily Bible reading.  It is the Holy Spirit’s job to guide us to the truth and many times that is through the voice of a godly sister-in-Christ.  I hope the timing of this article challenge your thinking at exactly the moment you need to take in a breath of fresh air.  How easy is it to hear the voice of truth amidst the shallow philosophies we hear expressed in the world around us.  Thank God for godly women.  The one who shared her thoughts with me this morning, I dearly love and welcome to speak into my life.

How Old Is Old?

     You might find yourself asking, should I read an article entitled "Instructions to Old Women."  Let's first address the elephant in the room, "how old does one have to be in order to assume more responsibility?"  As you read this article, you will find yourself evaluating words like "old, submission, and slander" through a filter or lens of your own making.  Let's consider that much of what we may believe are lies.

     A few weeks ago there was an announcement at our church regarding a new ministry program for seniors.  This was to designate adults who were advancing in years, not teens who had reached their last year of high school.  Before reminding us a second time of this new ministry, the church revealed that they had to field many questions regarding the age of seniors.  Their safe response was, "if you believe you are a senior, then you are welcome to attend."  Age is relative.  You can be old in the eyes of your teenagers as they disagree with you on just about every topic even though you are still relatively young.  Rather than getting hung up on the world "old," let's embrace it as we see the assignment we've been given.  We are to instruct "young women" according to Titus 2:5.

Allow me also to pose this question to you at the beginning of this article:  How well are we accomplishing the task that we have been assigned?

A Training Manual

     If you are a woman of wisdom, you will view the Bible as a training guide.  Most of the epistles of Paul were giving instructions to believers, pastors, or churches.  Paul shares thoughts on both character qualities as well as assignments that are to be carried out by believers.  The four people groups he identifies in the book of Titus are (1) old men, (2) old women, (3) young men, and (4) bondservants.  Paul calls himself a bondservant in many of his letters.  A bondservant is a person who is bound in service to another without pay.  Therefore, it is safe to assume that this is neither an employee (who receives pay), nor a volunteer (who is not bound).  You may question what separates young from old?  In many cases the separation, especially in Old Testament writings, seems to be the age of twenty.  More than an age; however, I believe taking responsibility in training may be a more relevant guide.  I know many young adults in their twenties who have assumed responsibility for training middle schoolers through volunteer ministry positions.   Are they filling a void where no one older has assumed responsibility? Or could they be more authentic in their spiritual walk than seasoned adults-- making it easier to younger adolescence to be inspired by their words?

     The position to train young women, according to Paul's writing has been assigned to "old women."  How often have we taken this role seriously.  Do our personal pursuits take precedence over the time or commitments we make to invest in young people?  Are we relying on other to accomplish the roles we've been assigned?  The focus of the training Paul suggests is creating functional families.  We will get into the specifics later, but let's consider first the three qualifications we must possess in order to instruct young women, according to Scriptures.

     Paul often sets himself as an example worth imitating. May I suggest that the more willing we are to establish behaviors that are worth imitating, the easier it will be for the next generation to consider our words and actions worthy of their attention.  Too often we see a divide between what we say and what we do.  A common phrase used by many parents over generations is "do as I say, not as I do."  Sound familiar?  Teaching, by example, provides excellent boundaries for our own behavior. Paul tells Titus to evaluate women on their behavior by giving these guidelines. Christian women should be “reverent in behavior, not slanderers, or slaves to much wine” (Titus 2:5).  How hard can that be?

(1)  Reverent in Behavior

     Rather than assume we know the meaning of a word, the simple definition for reverent is respectful when used as an adjective.  Unpacking a word using synonyms can also be helpful.  Words like worshipful, adoring, loving, admiring, devoted or devout, dutiful, submissive, humble and meek qualify.  From these words, we can conclude that the relationships we hold with others are dependent on our development of great people skills.  If married, we might ask ourselves how we might apply these words to the relationship we have with our spouse?  Do you find any of these words troubling?  Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the LORD."  In order to present ourselves worthy, what stumbling blocks must we overcome?

(2) Not Slanderers

     There are no shortage of Biblical passages that refer to controlling our tongues and often women are associated with the title 'busybody.'  Slander is seen as a form of gossip, but typically associated with spreading false and damaging remarks about another person.  Just like the word 'reverent,' let's look at some additional ways that slander is described:  

•  defaming one’s character, 
•  blackening one’s name, 
• giving someone a bad name, 
• telling lies about someone, 
• speaking ill or evil of someone, 
• dragging someone through the mud, 
• slinging mud, 
• smearing someone’s reputation, 
• spreading scandalous remarks, 
• tarnishing or tainting someone’s image, 
• vilifying, calumniating, disparaging, running down, denigrating, or 
• casting a shadow on someone. 

     There seems to be no shortage in the way we can identify slander.  I know after looking at this exhaustive list that I am guilty of at least a handful, if not a boatload of these infractions.  We, women, have difficulty with our opinions, especially the ones we do not keep to ourselves.  It is time for me to pray as David did, "Create in me a clean heart, and renew in me a steadfast spirit." (Psalm 51) 

3) Not Slaves to Much Wine
     Lastly we are taught not to be heavy drinkers.  I breathe a sigh of relief, one for three.  We are to be moderate in our consumption of alcohol.  Paul does not require us to be teetotalers, but some Christians may make this an all or nothing proposition.   I have made a personal decision to abstain as I've lived through some experiences with others that have taught me how destructive fermented beverages can be.  Caution is worth exploring.

Teach What is Good
     Now we are given instructions on what we are to teach.  The list of qualifications above make me sober minded regarding the importance of leading by example.  Paul does not leave room for confusion on what we are to teach young women, (1) to love their husband and their children, (2) to be self-controlled, (3) to be pure, (4) to be kind, and (5) to be submissive to their own husbands. Let’s begin with love.

Teach Love
     For the past year I have been able to observe 'young love' as my daughter has arrived in high school and it is easy to see the lack of guidance some young people are receiving in regards to these relationships.  I do not think any of us would disagree that learning how to love others is significantly important, but many of us have received little to no instructions.

     Jesus taught that love is the greatest command (Matthew 22:36-40).  How many of us have observed dysfunctional love either in our family of origin, or in the families we've raised.  Scriptures teach that it is the primary role of Older Women to teach younger women how to love their husbands and children.  God's design for love has been distorted which makes lasting commitments very difficult to achieve.  For this reason many young people are choosing to forego commitment for the sake of love.  Our society teaches non-Biblical approaches and when things get tough, an exit strategy seems simpler than growth.  We have not taught good conflict resolution.  Training in love should come long before commitments are made, but not justify the stance that commitments are not necessary.

     How many young people have been taught how to understand that love is a decision, not a feeling?  How many young women have been taught how to evaluate character over time to determine whether words and actions align?  When did love become an emotional response that we have no control over?  Who provides training that love is an action, not a gift we receive.  We as older women need to involve ourselves in giving better advice.  The best advice comes from successfully applying Biblical principals to our own marriages and allowing others to observe what a good marriage looks like.  One can also offer valuable advice from the failure to make wise decisions and bearing the consequences for that sin.  In this case it is about owning the sin that cause us to flee making us incapable of keeping the oath we made.  Teaching young women to love well comes from a blend of both grace and truth.  Setting a great example to follow gives credibility to our teaching.

     If you were to give proactive advice to an unmarried young lady, what would you teach her about love?  Because we are given this assignment, one cannot assume that love is instinctual.  We have to admit that we see very few people seeking answers on how to love others better.  Most people are searching for the secret on how to acquire love.  This should help us see that hearts need to be turned in the opposite direction.  We cannot control the love that comes to us, but we have control over the way we give love away.  Love is an action.

     Let's consider the number of people in today's society who are looking for a 'do-over,' and want to believe that another try will bring greater odds of success.  However statistics can easily show that this is not the case.  Let's become teachers who place the emphasis on becoming a women who loves well, rather than placing it on the desire to be loved.  Mastery of the first will bring blessing to the latter.  That is how God designed it.

Teach Self Control
     In order to teach self-control one has to possess it.  Each of us have different demons when it comes to self-control.  We should first identify areas where self-control is difficult by looking at challenges we face, then we can focus on good habits that will replace the bad ones.  Focusing on what we wish to create makes more sense in creating a healthy mindset, because what we resist, persists.

     Paul teaches in Philippians 4:6-9, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”   Self-control begins with prayer and change comes from remapping our minds.

     For much of my life I have struggled to maintain a desired weight.  My weight goes up and then with discipline it comes down again.  Eventually I release discipline and my weight goes up again.  When I lack discipline it shows on my waistline.  It undermines my resolve to do better.  Boundaries are good for us.  Living outside of boundaries brings unpleasant experiences.  Paul tells us to focus on the positive, so how can we change our mindsets that promote self-control?  By changing our focus to things that promote the desired result, we won't be swimming upstream.  

     Wherever we struggle with self-control, we are sure to find the perfect opportunity to build a testimony that can be used to mentor others who struggle with the same battles.  Who knows, Paul's thorn in the flesh could have been an uncontrollable appetite for chocolate cake!

Teach Innocence
     In Titus 2:5, we are instructed to teach what is pure. It would be easy to assume this means sexual purity; however, the greek word ‘hagnos’ is used in this text.  A more appropriate translation is innocence.  I would have to say that I am perplexed at how easily we give away the innocence of our children to mass media. We have no control over what is broadcast on television, what is written in books, what is shown in social media, or what lyrics are sung in songs. But we should be diligent to be influencers on the content we allow to enter the minds of our children. It is an extremely challenging endeavor; this is what spiritual warfare looks like.

     We allow unseen forces to influence the ones we claim to love. As much as we would like to fight these forces through our own strength, the enemy is stronger.   Only God’s divine power can defeat this enemy. Are we praying for this younger generation?  Jesus prayed for our protection in John 17.  He knew how difficult it would be for us to remain in the world.

• In verse 9, Jesus says, “I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours.” 
• Then in verse 12, He reveals, “While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost but the son of destruction (Judas) that the Scriptures might be fulfilled.” 
• Lastly, in verse 14, Jesus requests, “I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.” 

     Paul continually prayed on behalf of believers.  We too need to care about who or what is hijacking the minds of our children and removing their innocence.  Perhaps even our own innocence has been stolen from us because we weren't the recipients of prayer or wise counsel.  Let us consider how we can help young women (and children) remain innocent.  What advice would you give in this area?  Have you had conversations regarding purity with a young person?  Can you set yourself as an example of purity?  If no, what consequences could you teach regarding getting off track?

     Paul uses the word ‘purity’ again in Titus 2:14 in reference to Jesus work in us. He has redeemed us from lawlessness, and He is purifying (sanctifying us) for himself, “a people of his own possession.”

Teach Kindness
     One thing I was unprepared for as my children entered their grade school years was what is I call 'the mean girl' syndrome.  Both of my daughters suffered from it, but one more than the other.  Knowing that we are self-seeking missiles, I should have understood that kindness was not inborn, but learned.  Biblically speaking we teach kids in Sunday School to kill others with kindness when they are mistreated, but that is easier said than done.  Putting up defenses are much more natural than playing offense.  Preparing kids hearts to be kind toward one another requires intentional actions. I initially believed that the ‘be nice’ program offered by our school system was an anti-bully campaign, but I later learned that it is a program to help us identifying and treat mental illness. Its purpose seems to be equipping kids with skills to identify suicidal tendencies in their friends. Don’t assume that it is someone else's job to teach kindness; When we don't, it results in programs that engage kids in activities that should be reserved for adults.  Paul tells us that this is our job.

Teach Submission
     The word submission has a bad reputation. I can’t think of a word that we woman have vilified more. As we linger on this topic, let’s think of some of the unflattering words we have assigned as baggage: self-abasing, spineless, groveling, and resigned. Submission means to conform to the authority of another. When we use words like accommodating, amendable, non-resistant, humble, and patient, these shed a much better light on the word. Rather than taking this word out of our marriage vows, how much better would it be to teach women the appropriate way to view our God-given role? Submission is a respectful recognition that one person should be designated to have the final word when different opinions arise.  When neither is willing to relinquish leadership, conflicts abound.

     Over recent years in my own marriage, I have been learning how to submit, not only to my husband, but also to God.  When I respect my husband, he steps into his leadership role much differently than when I try to take over his position. As quoted before, Ephesians 5:22 reveals how we are to view our husband (as Christ). It is difficult to view our husbands through Christ if we are unequally yoked in marriage.  The error we make is in our intial belief that we can change them.

     I am so glad that God forgives when I overstep my bounds.  It is impossible to teach what we do not practice.  It is a double-minded approach.  If this topic is disagreeable to you, the foundation for my belief is founded in Scripture.  It is our training guide.  I have not achieved perfection, but I'm working on it through God's grace.  Let’s teach Biblical principals to the best of our ability. In Proverbs 4:18-19, we read, “But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.”

Work at Home
     I am leaving the most difficult topic for last.  If you’ve taken the opportunity to read Titus chapter two, you may have noticed my intentional postponement of this topic. Does this mean that a woman are not to have ambitions outside of the home?  A difficult question for sure.  Each of us will need to wrestle with this in deciding how the LORD would guide us in this area.  Paul tells us that “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12).

     It is not my call to tell anyone that they should not pursue a career.   Paul even instructs some churches that if you don't work, you don't eat.  Throughout Scriptures we see women like the widow Ruth who gleaned fields, Deborah who was a judge, and Lydia who was a dealer in purple fabrics.  I chose to look at this passage in my limited understanding to mean that we are not to neglect our primary role (to teach young women and children). I have been happy working both inside and outside the home.  I see my current circumstances as a privelege more than an obedient act.  I believe if the Holy Spirits imparts a different understanding as I peruse Scriptures, then I will be all the wiser for investigating.

Conclusion
     Yes, a lengthy article indeed. The conclusions that I draw from this second chapter of Titus as it relates to women is that we have a role to play in training. It is so easy to become self-absorbed in our own lives and fail to recognize that we've been given an assignment.  Paul tells all of us through his instructions to Titus that old men, old women, young men, and bondservants are to be zealous about good works (verse 14b). Rather than continue to reject our position as “old women,” let us embrace it with educating ourselves on how to be good teachers and engage ourselves in practices that help those coming of age, so that “the word of God will not be reviled” (verse 5b).