The Value of Confession - Priceless
In Scriptures,
we read, "the prayer of
faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be
forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to
one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it
is working." [1] So, whoever might have been praying for me this week, I humbly say thank you.
I’ve sinned again, it's not the first time, nor will it be the
last. I must confess; I present a personal story of parenting that you
might relate to depending on your phase of life. In this story, you will discover a giver and a receiver.
I hope you will find your story more closely
tied to the blessed giver; I was the receiver. You may even find that
this story is about you, although I’ve chosen not to
identify you with specificity. I want you to see yourself through the eyes
of the woman who has been blessed by you. Most of you, my known readers,
live primarily on the giving side but you may have no idea of the impact that
you are having on someone else. I wish to share this secret with you; you make a difference.
Several
weeks ago, while out of town, we required the services of a family to watch
over our youngest child assuring us that she would receive excellent care in
our absence. I am happy to say that she did, and she was exceedingly happy
about the arrangement. It was a midweek sleepover with one of her best
friends from school. We knew they had spoiled her as she came home
smiling and bubbling over with stories of all they did while we were away, her
winter coat pocket stuffed with empty candy wrappers. This loving family
traveled to see her compete in her regional spelling bee as there was a
possibility that we would not make it home on time. They presented her
with a thoughtful gift as a congratulation for participating.
Fast forward to this weekend; we were having discussions with some close
friends of ours after church who have recently sold their home to move out of
state. As they talked about the moving and packing process, we shared
stories and concluded how difficult it would be to pack a family such as ours
and move somewhere new. We recognize that our collection of things far
exceeds our desire to move or need much of what we own. (Our
over-abundance in and of itself should be our second confession.) Our daughter
exclaimed how much she loved our house and we told her that someday, possibly
when she is in college, we plan to move and downsize. We assured her that
we would always make enough room for her and her sister to come home.
With a smaller abode, we will still desire to
spend time with them. We do not wish to create obstacles to
remaining a close-knit family. (It is shocking to think that we have
teenagers and still feel that way, most days!)
This discussion was on the heels of another conversation that I had had earlier
in the day with this same daughter. We were talking about motherhood and
the blessings we receive from the privilege of building relationships with our
children. We talked about the things that prevent us from having
children, and how God knows what is best. My daughter said, “Do you ever
regret not getting the chance to have your own babies?” Before thinking,
I spoke from my heart and said, “Absolutely not. What God has given to us is
perfect. He knew our desires even before we did, and He blessed us beyond
our wildest imagination.” Her response was a questioning, “Really?”
I affirmed, “I couldn’t be any more pleased than I am.”
Beginning at dinner time, we found ourselves returning to the conversation
about moving. Our youngest spoke, "If I had the choice of anywhere I
could live, I would choose to live with my friend (XXX) and her family."
Dumbfounded by her response, I did not hold my tongue, I spoke
sharply before putting any thought into what I would say. I found myself
offended, my response was cutting, and I
let her know without a doubt that she had hurt my feelings. At the
moment, I was only thinking about me. Unfortunately, I led my husband down this very same path as he
said, “How hurtful, how could you say that?” She shrugged her shoulder
not knowing how to respond as she often does; but what could she say?
Okay, so there it is, exposure to my heart and my sin. Rather than
following the excellent advice to 'think before you speak,'[2] my response was raw and unloving. But, I would have to admit
very honest and aligned with my feelings. We hide these truths from ourselves
without even realizing it. What mother doesn’t pat herself on the back
thinking of all the ways she shows her
kids love? How we dutifully care for
their needs and meet many of their desires. I am chagrinned to say that
this thought also crossed my mind, “I even gave you Jesus.” Yes, I have
delusional thinking about that matter too. God chose her; I only
introduced them to one another.
At this point, you may already recognize what blinded my vision, or you may
have concluded that I am too hard on myself. Either way, I will say that
I did have a moment of asking myself, “What did my friend do that was more
pleasing to my daughter,” and “What can I learn from her?” My internal
question was not smug, as in “What does she have that I don’t have?” It
was solemn, honest, and truth-seeking. If we don’t take time for
reflection, it is easy to allow a bitter root to develop. The Holy Spirit
is so loving and kind when we seek answers. He spoke softly, almost as in
a whisper, “Your daughter just had a grandmother experience.” Aware that
this family was a good fifteen to twenty years younger than ourselves, didn't
make the value of their hospitality and love any less significant.
Most of us know what it feels like to have a grandmother's
love. Age has little to do with how others can make us feel special. My friend had shown my
daughter something that was foreign to her. The misfortunes of being older parents, like ourselves, is our kids do not often get the experience of arms enveloping them as grandparents love to do. One of our girls’
grandmothers is in her early 90’s, and
the other one lives over 3,000 miles away.
Most of our children’s experiences have been with friends of the family,
a card that arrives in the mail with their name on it, but rarely if ever do
they get a cross-generational sleepover.
Even fewer know their favorite things, and
many do not participate with interest (as a grandparent would) with after-school activities.
Of course, she would love to live with
them the same way that I cherished time with my grandparents, a special aunt, uncle,
or my godparents. When a child can be wrapped in love, spoiled and sent
home, a piece of their heart always remains behind. My sin was not
recognizing the value of the missing piece that she needed to feel
special. She needed to have a normal grandparent experience to know that
beyond everything else she is loved unconditionally.
I repented of my sin for thinking of myself and being offended by the idea that
someone could offer my child something that I could not. The thought
humbles me that God was willing to show me this sin before it decayed into
something even uglier. I need to ask myself how often I miss the truth
that is knocking at my door because I choose to think of my needs over the
needs of someone else. I am so grateful when others touch our family in
such a generous and loving way. How fitting that we would uncover these
same truths in 1 Corinthians 8 this weekend in church.
I
shared this confession with my daughter at the breakfast table. As I
cried, contrite over my failings, I was able to share with our daughters what
repentance looks like. Not
disregarding my broken spirit, our daughter smiled from ear-to-ear as she
realized that I understood what she had meant.
I received forgiveness for the damage that I had done by my unbridled tongue. Confession is good.
Thank you to everyone who has been an
integral part in making the lives of our children more abundant because of your presence.
Endnotes:
[1] James 5:15-16 ESV
[2] George Washington
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